


Balls to Your Partner

by Island_of_Reil



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Dirty Jokes, Explicit Language, Gen, Humor, Marching Songs, Military Training, Singing, Song Lyrics
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-31
Updated: 2014-08-31
Packaged: 2018-02-15 11:59:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,038
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2228241
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Island_of_Reil/pseuds/Island_of_Reil
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Life in the 104th Trainees Squad isn’t all hardship and serious business. Sometimes it’s just teenagers being teenagers.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Balls to Your Partner

**Author's Note:**

> [The prompt I filled this for](http://snkkink.dreamwidth.org/13546.html?thread=8612074#cmt8612074) requested canon characters singing traditional songs from our own world. But my choice to have the kids singing a rude song while hiking was influenced by [an older prompt of my own](http://snkkink.dreamwidth.org/8414.html?thread=7677406#cmt7677406) for obscene marching cadences. The rugby song after which the fic is titled was reworked from an old Scottish ballad (which was preserved and passed along by [this fellow](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/John_Strachan_\(singer\)), bless him).

They’d been on the hike for eight days straight, sleeping in the rough, living off rations, and using the underbrush for a latrine. This was supposed to be the last day of it, but it was getting on late afternoon, and for all they knew they were still kilometers away from the training camp. They were all tired, aching, itching, and hot. Quite a few of them, despite the fatigue, were completely up for a fight. Of those, more than half weren’t too afraid of whatever punishment Shadis could dish out to go ahead and pick one at the first excuse.

It was Connie, marching near the front, who started singing it. It was always Connie who started singing it.

_Four-and-twenty virgins, they came down from Stohess,  
And when the dance was over, there were four-and-twenty less!_

Reiner was marching next to him, and his resonant voice joined Connie’s thinner one on the first chorus:

_Swing your balls to your partner, your ass against the Wall,  
If you’ve never been fucked on a Saturday night, you’ve never been fucked at all!_

The soldiers around them started chuckling. Reiner picked right up on the next verse:

_Four-and-twenty whores, they came in from Karanese,  
Half of ’em had crabs, and the other half had fleas!_

Amid cackles, at least ten voices carried the second refrain:

_Balls to your partner, ass against the Wall,  
If you’ve never been fucked on a Saturday night, you’ve never been fucked at all!_

A beat went by, and Mylius joined in:

_A Survey Corpsman, he was there, a pair of blades in hand,  
And every time he turned around, he circumcised the band!_

A louder burst of laughter ushered in the chorus, after which Connie bellowed, “Franz! Your turn!”

“Uh…” Franz turned red, darting a look at Hannah, then warbled, 

_The Queen was in the dining room, eating bread and honey,  
The King was in the chambermaid, and she was in the money!_

**_“Franz!”_** Hannah's freckles had disappeared against her own blush. 

“Sorry, sweetheart, that was the cleanest verse I could think of!” he protested as the next chorus rang out around them.

“I’m gonna make up for that, then!” Mina piped up.

_There was fucking in the hallway, fucking on the stair,  
You couldn’t see the floor through the cum and pubic hair!_

Dozens of eyes widened, and then her training mates howled with laughter. “Shit, I hadn’t heard that one before!” some kid from Chlorba shouted over the refrain. Another one from some nameless hamlet in the southwest mountains of Rose cried out, “Me neither!”

Sasha, whose inability to carry a tune didn't dent her enthusiasm for singing one whit, bawled out the next verse completely off-key:

_The Garrison Commander, the bravest of his force:  
They found him in the stable, sucking off his horse!_

More than half of them jumped on the chorus this time:

_Balls to your partner, ass against the Wall,  
If you’ve never been fucked on a Saturday night, you’ve never been fucked at all!_

“Who’s next?” Connie shouted. “How about Armin!” 

Derisive snickers rose around them. But Armin didn’t blush or falter at all as he descanted the next verse in his high, clear voice:

_The Sina bride, well, she was there, explaining to the groom,  
“The vagina, not the rectum, is the entrance to the womb!”_

Laughter rose again, though this time they were impressed in quite a different way than they’d been by Mina’s verse. After the chorus, Jean called out, “Hey, Connie, have him explain those big words to you later,” and everyone within earshot began snickering again.

Eren, who was marching alongside Jean, picked up the next verse without being prompted:

_They were fucking in the barley, they were fucking in the oats,  
Most of them fucked people, but Jean was fucking goats!_

Jean flushed a dull red and his eyes narrowed, but he forced a grin during the chorus. They’d all heard themselves named in one of these verses before, during one march or another.

“Go ahead, then, do better than that,” Eren challenged him. Jean glared at him and, without once breaking the glare or his stride, sang,

_A leper from Shinganshina was sitting on a log,  
He peeled his foreskin off his dick and fed it to a dog!_

Groans of revulsion echoed off the trees, effectively drowning out the refrain. A red-faced Marco reached from behind Jean to smack him across the side of the head, which did nothing to dislodge his smug grin. Eren, by contrast, had turned faintly green. "Yeah, okay," he said, "you win."

“Thomas!” Reiner roared. Thomas lifted his chin and sang, his pitch absolutely perfect,

_The Wallist women all were there, their asses against the Wall,  
“Throw your money on the altar, boys, we’re gonna fuck you all!”_

Despite the whoops of hilarity, the chorus rang out loud and clear:

_Balls to your partner, ass against the wall,  
If you’ve never been fucked on a Saturday night, you’ve never been fucked at all!_

Daz, who was marching far to the rear and whose singing was if anything even worse than Sasha’s, threw his head back and hollered,

_Shadis’ mom, well, she was there, a-lyin’ on the floor,  
And every time she spread her legs, the suction slammed the door!_

About half of them sang the chorus afterward, which was barely audible over the other half of them hooting and jeering. The ones nearest Daz slapped him on the back until he was staggering. “Enjoy the extra laps tonight, Daz!” someone yelled.

“Bring us home, Ymir!” Reiner shouted. Bertholdt’s and Annie’s heads went up at that, and Ymir gave Reiner the briefest of squint-eyes, too brief to throw her off the beat:

_First lady backward, second lady front,  
And my entire hand up the third lady’s cunt!_

All fifty-four of them were laughing so hard — except for Christa, who was as bright-red as Franz and Hannah had been several verses ago — that they could barely get out the last chorus as the vanguard spotted the very edge of the Southern Division training ground:

_Balls to your partner, ass against the Wall,  
If you’ve never been fucked on a Saturday night, you’ve never been fucked at all!_


End file.
